jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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