haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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