I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
