you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
