If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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