Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It was confusing and full of hummus
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
