I met the friendliest cop last night
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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