Don't you send me to vm
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
