I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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