Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
