i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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