I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
