It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
