Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
