I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
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