I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just had sex on a roof
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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