My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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