I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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