Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Alive.
So much puke
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
