I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
