My nipple is on Facebook.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
