I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
