You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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