if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
