Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
