i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
