does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
