you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
