i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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