I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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