fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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