I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
