Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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