I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
