He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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