my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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