she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
