apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Someone came in the potted fern
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
