Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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