i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
