i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Dear god my vagina.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
