Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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