Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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