I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
