hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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