Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
