I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
