he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
