Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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