I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
