if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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