I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just googled if crying burns calories
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
